Thursday, June 9, 2011

Cardboard Robots

Did you know...

That postal workers are trained in creativity-humor-inducing-mechanics? I am working on getting a passport for Jamie and I've discovered they've either got realistic looking robots with cardboard innards working at post offices these days, or they have highly trained specialists that guarantee you'll either laugh, go crazy, or become an alcoholic.

"I'd like to set up an appt for a passport."

"We offer passport appt's 9:45-11:00"

"I'm assuming that's a.m.?" *chuckle....chuckle (poor attempt at humor)*

"We offer passport appt's 9:45-11:00"

"Do you offer appts after work or on Saturdays by any chance?"

"We offer passport appt's 9:45-11:00"

"Do you know of any other place I could get a passport appt with longer hours?"

"We offer passport appt's 9:45-11:00"

"Hello? Is this a recording?"

"We offer passport appt's 9:45-11:00"

"I see. hmm... I'm traveling to Batidalunga, which I'm sure you know is a planet in the Ruditary solar system, their president needs me to clip his toenails, and I'm sure you's imperative I get a passport appointment."

"We offer passport appt's 9:45-11:00"

"I know I sound like a human, but actually I'm a highly trained Chimpanzee with an intelligence quotient that is illegal on nine worlds. Do I still need to get a passport?"

"We offer passport appt's 9:45-11:00"

"Thank you so much for your help, it's been great chatting with you, if I need anything else, I promise I'll bash my head in with a baseball bat first."


See? It's genius. I would never have even thought of Batidalunga prior to making that phone call, but now, after calling every post office in the area, I can tell you Batidalunga's national holidays, how they paint their road signs, and what the squirrels there eat for breakfast. Batidalunga post offices are always happy to help you get your passports, in fact, in Batidalunga they send you your passport for free along with a box of cheezits.
Thankfully, there is one post office in the good U.S.A. that accepts passport applications until 3pm. Three in the afternoon! The sacrifice that must involve, it makes me tear up a little.

Oh...but psyche

They wait until you get there before they tell you that's not true.
But no worries, that's just part of their highly lauded humor training exercises. Whether it's training for them to keep a straight face while they tell you this, or whether it's to test your ability to laugh and roll with the punches, I'm not sure. Probably both. More effective that way.

Considering Jamie rent his clothing, wore sackcloth and ashes, and wailed "I'll never get to see my Grandma and Grandpa again... Why won't that mean mean man give me a passport?" I'm pretty sure he failed the test miserably. We'll give it another go as soon as I find another place.