Butterfly Hopscotch and How Not to Lose Your Kids

When I walked past the living room and smelled peanut butter I should have stopped right then and checked. But I was trying desperately to get out of the house on time, and with 5 chickens, 2 kids and 1 oversized dog all clamoring for my attention, the smell of peanut butter went through one nostril and out the other. That is, until we were walking out the door and I noticed Charlie no longer resembled himself but rather a lumpy little gnome, with clumps of peanut butter covering his cheeks and jelly dangling off his curls. Wonderful. Further inspection revealed my carpet fared no better. That will teach me not to pack lunch and leave it by the door. Whoops.

We were supposed to be at the Wild Animal Park by 9 am, but thanks to Charlie, we were slightly delayed. Consequently the famous butterfly exhibit already had a line. No problem, my friend Stacy and I had plenty to catch up on. When they told us we couldn't take our strollers, that was fine. No problem. I'm quite capable of carrying my camera bag and letting Jamie and Charlie walk. My capabilities seemed much less apparent, thirty minutes later when my camera bag suddenly and magically grew to weigh 50 lbs and Charlie decided to play a game of hide and seek. He won, but only because he can squeeze through crowds and peoples legs so much faster than his cumbersome mother. Charlie's prize for winning was being held in my loving arms. He showed his gratefulness by squirming, kicking, biting and generally twisting around like a possessed blender. By the time we got to the front of the line and into the butterfly exhibit, I no longer cared about taking whimsical pictures of my sweet children covered in butterflies. I just wanted to survive (preferably with my camera and child still intact). The butterflies were beautiful though and worth every second of the wait. There are hundreds in every color, and they flit everywhere and land on everything (including but not limited to your hair, clothing, and the ground). Charlie took in the magical moment quietly for a moment before he figured out what was going on. He knew exactly what you were supposed to do. Hop and stomp from butterfly to butterfly (and Stacy thought it was going to be her child doing that). It was shaping up to be a mass genocide before I whisked him back into my arms where the screaming and twisting commenced again. One lady asked me to leave, but I couldn't drag Jamie away after he waited so long to get in. I think I've become one of those moms. The best I could do for angry lady was hover near the exit and try to muffle the shrieks.

After we had our fill of butterflies, lions and uber tiny baby elephants (none of which I got pictures of). We retired to the kids play area to eat lunch and let our children run wild. They were big fans of the playground. Me? Not so much. There were too many nooks and crannies, and I kept panicking when I lost them for more than a minute. I was busy dreaming up creative ways to dangle the playground's architects by their fingernails, when I realized the playground was created with only one entrance/exit. As long as you stood guard at the front, you didn't have to worry about the twists, turns and tunnels. Genius...presuming there are no pedophiles lurking behind the fence with giant, kid-napping-sized fishing poles.

We had a blast despite Jamie's daydreaming habits and penchant for turning around and going the opposite direction when you least suspect it. Even if we hadn't had fun, I learned a few invaluable tips (which is why you should always have preschool teachers for good friends).

Tip #1: The Hand. If your child is running away and won't come when called. Hold out your hand and say "Hand", if child doesn't come, carry displeased child like a sack of potatoes until they decide holding your hand is a much better option. Eventually they will get the idea, Holding mom's hand is way better than being tucked under her arm. It worked so well for Stacy I've been practicing all day with Charlie and it gives me hope. Maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Tip #2: The Spin Cycle. Have a kid who won't color? Doesn't like to sit still long enough to write, trace or draw? (Jamie...*cough* Jamie). Wear them out first, when they are so tired they have no more energy left to climb trees and chase dragons, then bring out the crayons, markers, paper and scissors. It's shocking how much longer their attention span is.

Maybe that seems obvious, but sometimes I need to be told before the light bulb comes on.

On an ending note, here's the one picture I got of the morning. Charlie is wearing no pants and Alexander is missing his sweater because they both had an altercation with a water fountain.