December 10, 2004

December 10, 2004

“…they’re not the judge – God’s the judge. The only person you have to think twice about lying to is
either yourself or to God.”
                                       
Bob Dylan
~ brilliance
       ……I would add my husband to
that list, but lying to him is as harmful as lying to myself.
I was hoping I could just let the quote stand alone, but unfortunately
my need to talk about things overcomes my desire to make a
point.  
  I lie, I admit it.  I don’t see a problem with it
generally, but neither do I seek it out as the easiest alternative to
truth.  The danger in me actually admitting this, lies in my
trustability, likeability…the lack thereof.  I would rather be
thought of as trustworthy, but the truth is I am…and I am not.
I don’t think I’m capable of lying to my friends, and theirs is the
trust I seek.

December 5, 2004

December 5, 2004

intense dislike of shoes.
I never wear shoes, unless it’s so cold I’m in danger of losing feet to
frostbite.  I would rather go barefoot and risk stubbing my toes
or getting bit by a snake, spider, scorpion, which is more likely than
the frostbite thing.  I like to think it’s because I’m
independent, although more likely I’m just swinging too far from having
to wear shoes and nylons everyday in the past.
   I got married barefoot, drive barefoot, go horse back
riding barefoot, and recently laid tile while barefoot. If  I
can’t get away going barefoot,  I wear flip flops.  I
sometimes have to wear shoes, but I like wearing shoes when I think they make me look sexy. (emphasis on think)
sometimes I write to punish myself

December 3, 2004

December 3, 2004

I lied about there being a part II
Logic is an amazing thing.  Something so solid, yet so relative. 
This morning Julia decided she didn’t like her shoes anymore.  At
the tender age of four she is already a slave to fashion and style, and
a hopeless shoe addict.  After spending most of the morning
pouting about how none of her shoes matched her pants, she came up with
a logical solution to her dilema.  If she had no shoes then mom
would have to buy her new shoes.   The problem  with
this plan was execution and timing.  While using moms sewing
sissors to cut up her shoes, she was discovered by me.   I
confiscated the weapon and shoes, put her on her bed.  Thankfully
parental guidance arrived to take over, and I left shaking my
head. 
Poor girl, she failed to cut up one ugly pair of old tennis shoes. 

November 10, 2004

November 10, 2004

I need to write a blog entry about this incredibly… something
weekend.  I would say it was a wonderful weekend and that all I
had was fun, but I was asked too many times by the people who know me
best if I was ok.  Sometimes I think they know me better than I
know myself, because I really had no clue I was in a bad mood until
they mentioned it.

(beware of tangent)…
 You know when you’re feeling really blue, and you don’t want to
be around people, and when you are around them you have to work
yourself into this smiling, happy person, but it doesn’t really work?
The smile never makes it to your eyes, and everybody knows your eyes
are a dead give away. But at least you tell yourself that the reason
you’re standing on the fringe of things watching other people talk and
have a good time is because of the dead-give away-eyes.  It surely
can’t be your lack of social or conversation skills, or maybe it is your lack of conversational skills.  However, the only good thing about your inability to hang out with people you don’t
know is the knowledge that there are people who you feel perfectly
comfortable being grumpy around.  And in the end I’m supremely
grateful I have friends like that.  
…But in case you think I didn’t have a good time…  I had a great time, but that will have to be in The Crazy Weekend Part Two.

October 25, 2004

October 25, 2004

It amazes me how I can turn something perfectly normal and functioning
into something neurotic and confusing.  Instead of feeling pleased
with myself because I’m breaking records by writing two blog entries in
a week, I’m feeling guilty because I should be doing something
else.  However,  when I finish this I’ll feel like I
accomplished something, which will in turn motivate me to do what I
should have been doing in the first place, thus taking away the guilt
I’m feeling right now.  But what good does it do me to take away
the guilt I am feeling now, after I am already done feeling it?
   Instead of writing this entry I should be…
1. Filling out my absentee ballot. (which I don’t want to do, seeing as I have no clue what to vote for)
2.  Returning a call to a customer I don’t want to talk to. (kudos
to all you people who talk to strangers everyday and survive)
3.  Trying to fix the possessed fuse in my car.  (it is really
too cold outside to even consider it) (I don’t know how my husband does
it, must be that Ohio blood)
4.  Mailing the birthday present to my cousin whose birthday I
forgot yesterday ( my brain betrayed me, I reminded myself on Sat. to
call him on Sun.)
5.  Talking myself into going to the meeting tonight.  (do I
really need to go to a business meeting where there’s silly disco music
playing while women wearing bright red lipstick and painted smiles walk
around applauding and laughing like…like.. like Kelly Bishop from Gilmore Girls ?)
6.  Finishing my homework for bible study. (I don’t want to go. I
don’t like it, and then I get there and have a great time and wonder
why I didn’t want to go in the first place)
After all that (which I realize isn’t that much) I’ll let myself do
something fun, like making chocolate chip cookies with my littlest
blonde haired sister.  ….Ok, now I’m motivated.

October 22, 2004

October 22, 2004

A week goes by and I haven’t written in my blog, I tell myself  it’s not a big deal, journals have no rules about how often you have to write in them, you can just do it tomorrow.  Tomorrow comes and goes, a week, two weeks.  Now I know I
have to write a blog entry, there’s no getting around it, but it has to
be a really good one to make up for the lack of mediocre ones.
Something particularly brilliant, funny or thought provoking.  The
problem is I can’t think of anything remotely good, not even one
worthless unimportant thought worth mentioning.  I  realize
how boring my life really is (happy…very happy, but boring
nonetheless), how crazy it was to start a blog in the first place, and
decide to just forget about the whole xanga thing. 
    After a very freeing month of not feeling guilty,
I’m pretty much assured nobody even comes near my blog, which makes it
available for all the comforting mediocrity in the world.  It’s
the very long road (or perhaps it’s a circle, I’m not sure) of
convincing yourself nobody reads it, and not quite as effective as just
setting it up to be private in the first place.  All very
predictable behavior for a certain curly haired little girl who is
absolutely obsessed about what people think about, which is a rather
honest confession for her,  even if her blog is people-free.
However seeing as lots of people confess it (in fact it’s almost a
cliche) nobody will realize how terribly true it is. 
     Now, back to the first person. 
Speaking of which, I couldn’t decide whether  to write in the
first second or third person, or perhaps no person at all. 
But that’s of no consequence, because I had fun writing it.  In
fact so much fun,  I’ll probably write again next week.

August 7, 2004

August 7, 2004

Sleep depravation has taken on a whole new meaning.



….parents who party through college make the best parents; they’re already used to not sleeping…

July 10, 2004

July 10, 2004

Evangelism

I was walking across the parking lot at Mission Beach the other day, when this guy comes up to me and says “hey, did you know Jesus loves you?”  At first I was just surprised (that’s not exactly what I was expecting him to say), but when I tried (unsuccessfully) to assure him I was also a Christian, his attempts only got more rude and condescending.  By the time I got rid of him, I was thoroughly annoyed.   It got me to thinking about evangelism, what it means and how it’s supposed to work.  

When I was attending the local J.C., I interviewed a handful of non-Christians about their thoughts on evangelism.  Their reaction was complete disgust.  I discovered that most of them would rather be shot in the foot than have someone hand a track to them.  In the few times I’ve gone out to “evangelize” the majority of the people I talked to were highly offended and/or annoyed.  It’s amazing that while most Christians get seriously upset with telemarketers, it doesn’t seem to bother them when they’re guilty of the same thing. While I realize that if even one person out of fifty receives salvation then it is “worth it”.  I question the method we use to “lead people to Christ”.   I also wonder where pastors and evangelists find their views of evangelism in the Bible.   I have honestly not been able to find, “accept Jesus into your heart” and “Jesus loves everybody” in my Bible anywhere.   

That said, I’m not claiming any authority on the subject.  I know that we as Christians should be evangelizing, but I think mainstream American Churches have completely twisted the application of scripture in this area.  While I’m not exactly sure what the Bible says about the best method of evangelizing, it is perfectly clear about what evangelism is.

Evangelism means preaching the gospel. It does not necessarily mean handing out tracks or accosting people in the streets, and it certainly doesn’t include telling them that they need to accept Jesus so they can go to heaven. The power, by which people repent and believe, does not rest with the sinner or his/her ability to accept Christ.  People are saved and loved by Christ.  The gospel is the means by which sinners are saved, given repentance and faith.  Their minds and wills have changed and they are irresistibly and beautifully called to Christ.  That is what’s found written throughout scripture.

 A lot of videos, books and tapes on evangelism completely miss the point of evangelism, because they equate the gospel with accepting Jesus into your life and being saved from hell.  All of Scripture is the gospel, because all Scripture reveals Christ. The gospel must be preached everywhere, and evangelism is the mission of the Church, but in a much different way than is commonly being taught.

….and that’s all folks

  Thanks enduring to the end (if you did) And sorry for running out of thoughts so abruptly.

Until next time…

July 6, 2004

• A guy walks into a store and says “I see you have a job opportunity that promises to be rewarding and fun”  The manager of the store says “Yeah, you interested?”,  “sure am” the guy says.  ”all right” the manager replies, “lets get you started”.  He hands the guy a tux and dress shoes, ”you start out by walking 5 miles in these” then he pulls out a set of two, five pound weights, ”you’ll need to carry these with you at all times, and whatever you do, don’t put them down…somebody might steal them”  The weights are followed by a twenty pound back pack which is also added to the list of things the guy must carry.  So the guy (completely dumbfounded by some people’s definition of “fun” and “rewarding”) then gets handed a list of rules:  NO SUNGLASSES, NO FOOD, NO BREAKS.    Hoping that things can only get better from here,  the guy finds himself running laps around an outdoor banquet, filled with laughing people relaxing and enjoying food, wine and music. 
  
  …welcome to the life of  a wedding photographer.     

June 24, 2004

Disclaimer:  I am in no way associated with nor desire to be in the same genre as the typical cowgirl.  I find the stereotypical western thing to be somewhat pathetic (although maybe it’s because I’ve visited TX one too many times).  I do not own a pickup truck, I do not like beer, I do not wear a cowboy hat, and only occasionally wear pigtail braids.

I’ve been told that horses have brains the size of walnuts, which doesn’t bode well for us humans as I find horses to be generally more intelligent and much more entertaining than some humans. 

Let me introduce you to my herd:

Kayla:  Big, black, Quarter horse mare.

Better known as “The Queen”  She reins supreme in our little world up here.  She is surprisingly nice to new people,  but if you are a new horse….watch out!   She’s a retired rodeo horse who hasn’t quite figured out what it means to be retired.  If you’re on her back and she sees a barrel…hang on.

Shady:  Same as above only a baby.

Shady should technically go on the bottom of this list as she is the youngest.  However, since she is the princess (and the daughter of Kayla) she demands a spot right up at the top.    Shady doesn’t know what it means to be un-liked, or unloved.  Every horse and person who meets her can’t help but spoil her.  She adores people (especially kids) and pretty much gets away with murder.

Raina:  Not-so-big, Peruvian Paso, Bay Mare

Most people would describe her as obnoxious however I will disagree and go with this recent description, “…It’s like she’s going through menopause”.   Sometimes she’s happy and a great horse , and then other times she pins her ears back and runs kicking and bucking across the arena like she’s possessed.  She’s convinced that Shady should have been her baby. She’s tried more times to seize Kayla’s thrown than all of the other horses combined, and I’m sure she’s hatching a new plan right now.

Marley: Small, Icelandic, Gelding

      Marley (named after Bob Marley) is our little punk with an afro.  He thinks he’s hot stuff and is in love with Rosie who is his best friend (she’s also the only one who can put up with his  attitude)  He is currently in the process of trying to beat up Zak who is roughly twice his size.

Rosie:  Sort of big, Peruvian Paso, Light Bay, Mare

Rosie is my horse.   She is loved by all horses and misunderstood by most humans.  She is extremely aware of the smallest movements, making her an incredible horse to ride.  She tries very hard to please everyone, will do anything you ask that is within her power but only if she is convinced you are capable of being a leader.  She cannot tolerate incompetent people or horses.  If you are unfortunate enough to be on her back when she decides this about you, she will simply get rid of you.   

Zak:  Big, Chestnut, Quarter Horse, Gelding

     Zak used to be our ol’ cripple.  He too is a retired rodeo horse due to foot problems that rendered him useless.   However recently, he went through corrective foot therapy that has turned him into a completely different horse.  I’m not sure what to say about him anymore because I didn’t know he was capable of acting like this. He is a ton of fun to ride even if he is a little stubborn.

 He is doted upon by Kayla, loved by Shady, tolerated by Rosie, despised by Raina, and hated by Marley.

I didn’t realize this turned into such a long entry. I guess time flies when you’re having fun.

Hey, tell me who you think would be the most fun to ride.  

June 21, 2004

Here goes my second attempt at blogging. 

After finally deciding that I would surrender my individuality and join the ever popular crowd of bloggers (no offense to any of you), I realized that my thoughts are way too ordinary and mundane to actually put on paper (err…computer).   However, since nobody has to read this if they find it stupid or boring,  I will quote my grandmother in saying, ”Esther, get over it”, and try to do just that.

Two things about last Friday, and then I promise to end this entry.

First, I have a new experience to add to my list of “Things I never wanted to Experience”.  I had the privelage of having a loaded 22 rifle pointed at my face.  When I told the moron (moron would not be an overstatement) who was holding the gun to kindly point it in another direction, he laughed and said “Don’t worry, the safety’s on”.   Yeeahh, that made me feel a whole lot better.  Since when is it ok to point a gun, loaded or otherwise, at anybody?  Thankfully that was the worst he did that evening, the rest consisted of shooting the tops of handles and shooting spit wads through his straw, and no he wasn’t a little kid, he was a twenty-year-old, and yes I wanted to spank him and put him in a crib.

Anyways,  the other person that begs a description would be my darling brother-in-law Jeff.   He is totally charming and Jim and I love him to pieces, but sometimes I wonder if his head is in another dimension or if he just despises us.  He took a vacation to San Diego this last weekend but failed to inform  us, his brother and sister-in-law, that he was coming until the day before he arrived, at which time he stated that he had only time for dinner with us.  ….dinner?….DINNER?… who does he think we are, some long ago friend that he feels obligated to check in with?  HELLO! we are f-a-m-i-l-y.  We would love to see him anytime and for as long as possible.   Oh well, kids these days.  So to the rest of you young folks out there, (ok, so I’m not as old or mature as I think I am)  family is important! (and yes, that deserves an exclamation point)

June 4th 2004

I know  “Shades Of  The Sky” is probably coming across as either incredibly droll, melodramatic or just silly.  The truth is, the sky isn’t appreciated half often enough, unless of course you drive frequently on a freeway remotely near L.A. in which case you can’t miss the think layer of pollution and consequently be supremely grateful for clean, clear sky.  

   Living on a hill, where the view is predominantly sky, I couldn’t help but notice that there are so many different shades of blue, pink, orange, red, gray, purple and black.  I guess as a sort of pathetic analogy, that is what I am attempting to do with this. To observe and/or describe the “shade of blue” I’m living or seeing at the moment. 

I suppose that finishes the explanation of the title, and with nothing left to say at the moment…I’ll end with a good natured cheerio!